Depression

Depression, how do you actually define it? I am actually having a million problems running through my my entire life now not that I am the only one having family issues and life problems but we all have our own ways of dealing with it.

Well i looked up the word depression in google and i decided to take the Wikipedia definition. I copy pasted the definition below:

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person’s thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being.

People with a depressed mood can feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable, angry, ashamed, or restless. They may lose interest in activities that were once pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, have problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions, experience relationship difficulties and may contemplate, attempt or commit suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, aches, pains, digestive problems, or reduced energy may also be present.

Depressed mood is a feature of some psychiatric syndromes such as major depressive disorder and dysthymia, but it may also be a normal temporary reaction to life events such as bereavement, a symptom of some bodily ailments or a side effect of some drugs and medical treatments. A DSM diagnosis distinguishes an episode (or ‘state’) of depression from the habitual (or ‘trait’) depressive symptoms someone can experience as part of their personality.

Wow… that was a long definition… hahaha.. That was not exactly the whole thing though. I just took the top part. well maybe I am depressed sometimes but i do things to help me get through the ordeal. Like writing, knitting crocheting or even play with my kids when they are around during the weekends.

I am so used to having issues in my life that i literally wait for bad things to happen all the time and yeah they do happen. I don’t know whether it’s just with me or maybe everyone experiences it one way or another. The last 2years has been hell on earth for me, I’m know it’s nothing compared to “hell” hell, what i mean is a feeling of no satisfaction at all and it’s like living a life of no meaning. Imagine having everything taken away from you in just an instant. Like abacadabra and everything is gone! walaaa! hmmm I don’t know how to put it in words but here goes.

When you catch your man cheating on you when you are half way through 3rd pregnancy and you confront him he denies it altogher, but in the end he gets caught red handed anyway! I don’t know how to explain the frustration but i personally didn’t know how to deal with it period. I was practically in dillema, I didn’t want anyone to know how i felt.I pretended nothing happened and kept it to myself for such a long time and this here is the first time I decided to tell someone or something about it.

I guess you can say that I have given up all hope in getting anything done because of what i had gone through. But no… I managed to get through it even though the relationship is still a mess now. I can still live my life. I still got my kids right? I am not going to give up on my life just because that happened. I have my kids that are still depending on me.

Now I have a permanent job but but i have to leave my kids at the babysitters for the whole week and only take them back during weekends or my 2off days. On these days I will spend all my time with them put my phone away and not deal with anything but them. When else can I do it? I have to earn to keep us alive right. Not that he doesn’t give anything but you know how high the cost of living in KL is.

I don’t blame the entire thing on him because i am one stubborn bitch sometimes. I just can’t believe he would do such a thing to me. I mean I sacrifice almost everything for him. And this is what i get. I think I had better stop here before things get out of hand and start writing the next post on that Gary and lyn story…

I’ll talk more on that later along on the next posts okay guys i have to get my composure before i lose it haha.. cya…