“Who is out there guys? I don’t have the mood to play around!” without waiting for them to answer I stepped toward the door and outside.
“Gary, what are you doing here?” I was so surprised to see him here at this time. “is everything ok?” He was leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. He looked up as he blew smoke into the air.
“yeah babe everything is fine. Just worried about you. you didn’t reply my texts and didn’t answer my calls i thought something happened.” He looked down on the pavement kicking the pebbles on the ground in an uncomfortable manner.
“I am so sorry i didn’t mean to interfere and everything i am just..” he paused and just silence.
I don’t know how he was going to keep this up. Gary and I have been friends for so long, ever since high school. Though we didn’t go to the same school. We were always together on a daily basis and were inseparable. We were best friends. Only recently he told me that he had a crush on me since high school. he was my best friend my shoulder to cry on, my fighting buddy. I just didn’t have any feelings for him. I treated him like my own brother. I told him that but he said that he just wanted to let me know and he didn’t mind if I didn’t feel the same way. Just as long as I was Happy.
I walked towards him and took his hand. “I’m ok alright. there’s no need to be all worried. I am not a baby anymore Mr. Gary Boy. Look at me when i am talking to you ok.” I pulled his chin up so he was looking right at me and i could see his eyes. “Happy now?”
he shook his head and looked back down. “I know you’re lying babe. I know it and you know it. the more you keep it inside the more you gonna hurt babe. please don’t do this to yourself. You know how much I hate to see you hurting like that.” He was flicking the ash off his lit cigarette and still kicking the pebbles as he leaned back onto the wall behind him.
“ok, ok. lets go somewhere else ok… I really don’t feel comfortable here” I said getting into his car. I knew that wasn’t a good place. I saw Berry and the guys looking out the window. I didn’t want anyone else to know the condition i was in right now especially my staff. I didn’t have to ask twice. Gary got into his car and started the engine.
“ok start talking babe, I am listening.” he Reversed out of the driveway into the night.
I wasn’t ready for this I just don’t feel like talking even though inside i really wanted someone to talk to. “well Gary boy I dunno where to start…” I paused for a second took a deep breath and continued “i am just all over the place now and i dunno what to do..” tears rolling down my face. I stopped talking.
“omg babe are you crying?” he stopped the car on the side and he looked at me “i am so sorry…i didn’t mean to force u n make u feel like this ok.” he pulled my chin up to look at him. I looked away wiping my tears away. “come here baby girl” he sd giving me warm hug and i don’t know why but i just hugged him back sobbing like a baby. i can’t believe he is the one with me right now. someone who i always pushed away and kept pushing away. I just let him hold me that way coz it just felt so comfortable in his arms. After a while he stroked my hair and sd “feeling better?”
i couldn’t say anything but nod as i wiped away my tears again. “cry all you want ok babe you know i will always be here to lend a shoulder to cry on” he sd pinching my nose smiling as he positioned himself in to start driving again “i know i’m not the man for u but i’m gonna be here for you till no matter what ok” he took my hand and kissed it. “you know how i feel about u right?” he started to drive again.
“if this is all about that Bill of yours I am gonna get my hands on him and stuff him up a crocodile’s mouth for doin this to u. you got me?” he looked at me with a serious face as he stopped the car in front of Cafe Rio where Jane and the others were waiting. We hung out here almost everyday. The food was great and tonight there was quite a crowd. I didn’t feel like getting out of the car. There were too many people there.
“I’m not gonna let some guy hurt u n get away with it.” Gary was mumbling while getting out of the car. “well what u waiting for babe lets go u got some explaining to do.”
I got out of the car and followed him from behind. I saw Jane giving him signals as we reached the table. I just ignored and pretended i dint see a thing. “i know u haven’t eaten yet babe… Berry told me u were starving” Gary looked at me passing me the menu so i could order.
“I’ll take the fried rice and ice coffee thanks.” The waiter took down the order took Gary’s order n left.
“whats with the tension? did i miss something? Why aren’t you guys talking?” I could see the confusion in Jane’s face.
“chill Jane let the baby girl get herself together first ok.” sd Gary as he lit up another cigarette. I looked at jane and she rose her eyebrows to me shrugging her shoulders.
I took a deep breath and started telling them everything starting with my mom’s visit and what happened during the day and by the time i finished they were shaking their heads with that sorry look in their face. “sorry to hear that babe. so your dad sd he’s really gonna leave this time?” Gary asked me with a straight monotonous tone. I shrugged my shoulders “i dunno” and looked down to my feet tears rolling down my face again. That question struck me like lightning. It kept repeating over and over again and all of a sudden I stood up and started walking away into the dark night. I couldn’t take it anymore. Without realizing I started to run as fast as I could. I didn’t care where my feet were taking me as long as I can be somewhere else alone by myself.
I had this habit of cutting myself with the freddy knife not to commit suicide but it just makes me feel better when i cut myself n make myself bleed. I literally had fun hurting myself. I had been trying to avoid cutting myself for months now but i couldn’t take it anymore. I always carried a Freddy knife wherever i went and i knew i had one in my bag.. “damn i left the hostel without my bag!” i was going crazy that very minute. i forgot that i was with Gary, Jane and the gang. I was too messed up to remember. I sat down at the sidewalk n put my head in my hands. i was breathing hard n i felt dizzy. I heard one of the guys voices. “Gary boy! there she is hurry!” I think that was John but i wasn’t sure.
The next thing I know I heard running footsteps coming closer and closer. I started to panic. were those the guys footsteps or someone else? i was suddenly in panic mode. I stood up looked left and right saw 2 dark figures running towards me from the right and 1 dark figure from my left. I was alone and there were these guys after me. I started hearing ringing sounds in my ears and all of a sudden my heart was louder than ever. my head started spinning i couldn’t move. “Leave me alone I don’t have money. Go away!” i screamed as the dark figures got closer. I tried to push one of the dark figures away as it got closer but i wasn’t strong enough. i felt the dark figure get closer pulling me toward it and holding me tight. my heart was so loud all i can hear were faded voices.
“chill babe, it’s me Gary boy and the guys are here! John and Tim are here too!” His voice was so far away and that thing was here attacking me. I foughts as hard as i could and the harder i fought the stronger it was. Suddenly i smelt that familiar smell of Armani Code perfume. That was what perfume the guys always use.
“Lyn it’s me baby girl. Relax… look at me you got to stop imagining things!” Gary boy shook me so hard i thought my bones would fall off. I felt my knees buckle as i saw his face and everything went black.
“Lyn, wake up babe… Lyn please baby girl wake up” I woke up to the sound of Jane aNd Gary’s voice.
“Guys I’m ok” i couldn’t find the strength to talk the only sound that came out was a whisper.
“Thank God you’re ok baby girl” I felt Gary hug me so hard. “What time was the last meal u had baby girl?” all i could do was shrug my shoulders.
“Janey lets go get her something to eat. Ok? I can’t stand looking at her like this”
this wasn’t the first time this happened so my friends were kind of used to this.
“ok Gary boy i think i cn cook her something at home just buy her something to drink first ok.”Jane was like my big sister even though she was younger than me. Gary will always listen to what she said so he went to buy the drink “And you girl will stay at my house till everything settles. Who knows how many of those fredy knives u have in ur room at the hostel.”
I had no choice but to agree to these 2 friends of mine. “John & tim?” i asked where the other guys were.
“They went to take ur stuff from the hostel and to inform David that u had another attack.” I closed my eyes I felt another spinning motion. it felt like i guzzled a whole bottle of tequilla. drunk without drinkin alcohol.
Jane was driving coz the the guys drove Gary’s car to the hostel. Gary and I sat at the back seat. I blacked out a few times on the way to Jane’s place. The whole way Gary looked after me as if i was dying. Nobody treated me the way Gary did. I laid against his shoulder and closed my eyes just feeling the heat of his body and the smell of his perfume and the mix of tobacco. That was so calming.
“next time don’t do this anymore ok baby girl.” i felt him kiss my forehead and hug me tighter as his fingers stroked my hair. “hmmm” that was all i could say as i dozed off.