The confession (Chapter 5)

“you are such a pain in the butt do you know that?” i told gary when he called that night.

“yeah i know.” He said “but this pain in the butt can surely make you feel better when you feel like shit right?”

I couldn’t agree with him more. He was everything a girl could ever want. I just wasn’t in love with him, yet that is. “Yeah gary boy. I don’t know what i would do without u, seriously.”

We always talked for hours on the phone talking about nothing and everything sometimes arguing about who is better at doing things and sometimes we would argue about why i have never been able to accept him more than a friend. I just can’t. That night before he hung up he said something that really made me all touchy i dunno maybe just by the way he said it or it was just me. he said “baby girl just remember one day when we don’t talk on the phone anymore for some reason because of me or maybe you. I just wanted you to know that you were the one back then in highschool, you were the one now, and you are gonna be the one till the end ok. Just keep that in mind. i will always be here no matter what and I am so crazy madly deeply in love with you. I know you have no feelings toward me but i just wanted you to know so i don’t regret one day” I wasn’t able to say anything. Tears were running down my face and if i talked he would know i was crying. I hung up without saying a word. sent him a text and laid next to Jane to sleep. Maybe I should try and accept Gary. I thought in my heart, but i do have to find my sister first.

i woke up to the alarm clock noise in Jane’s Room. I woke Jane up to shut the alarm off. It wasn’t her alarm. I saw Jane run to where she charged her phone.  After a few seconds she came back to bed and slept. “outstation is postponed till next week.” Jane sd as she put the pillow over her head to continue sleeping.

Just when I was about to check my phone it rang. My heart skipped a beat, only one person would call me at this time… Mom… And i haven’t even started looking for Grace yet. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that it wasn’t my mom calling. It was Gary… I answered but didn’t say a word…

“hey babe i know you’re there, I just wanted to say sorry about just now…” There was a moment of silence for a few seconds before he continued “please say something I’m sorry ok”

“why aren’t you sleeping yet u silly? stop wasting ur time worrying about me n how i feel.” I was really getting annoyed with him. “Just worry about urself, ur health, get some rest.”

“can you come outside for a while?   I need to see you.” I thought I was going to black out at that moment. can you believe this Guy?

“Are you kidding me?” I tried not to raise my voice as i got myself off the bed to look out the window. There he was leaning against his car smoking. “ok i’m cmg” hung up got dressed and headed outside. There was something different with how he looked, his eyes usually full of character now only blank and filled with confusion. Something was wrong. “Are you ok babe?” I walked toward him slowly. He didn’t say anything. He just looked at his shoes.

“i’m so glad now at least u think those shoes are more interesting than me. i should be heading inside” I turned around and walked away. Suddenly i felt his hand grab my hand to stop me from walking away.

“please don’t go” he sounded like he was going to cry. “i need you babe.” He was crying. I think this was my second time to see him cry in our frienship. The first was when his mom passed away a few years back. He pulled me close to him and hugged me. I hugged him back stroking his back to comfort him. “what’s wrong gary boy? tell me…” I was getting worried now. I pulled away to look him in the eyes but he was avoiding. I brushed his hair away with my hand, cupped his face between my hands and made him look at me. “babe look into my eyes and tell me, do you wanna come inside?”

He shook his head and signalled for me to get into the car. “ok i have to lock the door first.”  I took the housekeys locked the doors and went in the car. and we were off only gary knew where we were going.

It was a long drive. I kept looking at him every now and then just to check his facial expression. Something was definitely wrong he is never this quiet. He stopped right outside his dad’s beach house where we used to have lots of parties back in college.

“Gary boy ur scaring me babe, just tell me what’s wrong.” I held his hand tightly hoping he would say something. He let go of my hand, got out of the car and started to walk over to the security house. I saw the gates open. He got in the car and started to drive in without a word. Silence all the way to the garage of the beach house. He turned off the engines and got out of the car to open the front door. I hurried out of the car to follow him. When I got inside he was already at the balcony smoking a cigarette I could see a bottle in his hand.

“u brought me here just to watch u drink and smoke and ignore me?” I sd to him as i took a step down the balcony stairs to where the beach was. I sat myself down on the first step and stared into the water. I heard his foosteps heading toward me and felt him sit right beside me. i turned toward him to find a Cigarette box opened with a stick ready for me to take. I took the stick and he lit it for me. I waited for him to start talking.

After 5 minutes of silence he finally said something. “I’m leaving…” I didn’t know what he meant by that but i just waited for him to continue. “My dad asked me to go over there to take care of his business.”

“what?” I said in shock I stood up”U r moving to UK? when? are u crazy? u gonna leave me here in this condition? I haven’t even found my sister yet…” i paused trying to hold back my tears ” y is everyone leaving me all of a sudden?” my voice trailed of in silence. Now i know why he brought me here. He knew how i was gonna react to the news.

“chill baby girl, i’m not leaving till i am sure everything is back to normal.” He pulled me back down to sit next to him. “please don’t make this harder for me babe” he sd as he put his arm around my shoulder. “you know i never want to live a day without u.” I didn’t know how to react anymore i just let my tears come down my face and watched the waves hit the shore over and over again.

i felt him wipe the tears of my cheeks as he pulled me closer. i leaned my head onto his shoulder and sighed. Now i know why he said those things just then. About not talking on the phone anymore. All of a sudden i felt so cold i felt myself shiver. “can we go inside, i am freezing” i said as i got up and walked toward the living room. i took my phone from the table to text jane before she woke up.

“who u texting babe?” I felt him hug me from behind usually i would hit him and avoid but this time i just let him.

“just letting jane know where i am. she might freak out if she finds me gone” i said turning myself around to face him. i put my arms around his hips and hugged him tight. i put my head against his chest. I can hear his heartbeat. “i am going to miss u gary boy.” i looked up and whispered into his ear. He pulled my arms over his neck as he pulled me closer. I could smell his perfume and the smell of tobacco from him smoking. His body was so warm and i could hear the fast pace beats of his heart getting faster as i stroked his hair on the back of his head. “hmmm u smell so nice gary boy” i sd to myself.

He pulled my hand away from the back of his neck and kissed it. He looked me right in the eyes. “please baby girl. Don’t do that. You know i can’t take it when u put you fingers through my hair like that.”

“so what?” i said trying to take the stress out of the conversation ” if i still continue to do that what are u gonne do kiss me?” i giggled as i pushed his hair away from covering his eyes teasing him.

“i am serious babe” he said running his thumb along my bottom lip. “i wont be here anymore soon. Just give me a freakin chance to make you happy!” he held my chin in his hand and pushed it up a bit. He kissed me gently and bit my bottom lip as he ended the kiss

usually i wouldn’t let things get out of hand but I don’t know why i was letting him do it today. what was happening to me? I could see the shocked expression in his face. I pulled away and sat myself down on the sofa just behind me. Gary kneeled down in front of me panicking. I would usually push him away earlier to avoid stuff like this from happening but i guess i was starting to get attracted to the guy. I put my hands in front of my face trying to get in control of the situation taking short and long breaths in patterns to relax myself.

“I am so sorry babe, i didn’t mean to…” before he could continue i placed my pointer on his lips.

“It’s my fault,” i said taking deeper breaths of air in and out of my lungs. ” i shouldn’t have let u go that far. Omg i can’t breathe properly Gary boy.” it felt so hard to breathe and before long i was holding onto my neck trying my best to breathe. I had asthma since I was a kid well Gary and I we went through a hell lot of episodes with my asthma attacks. I was struggling to remember the breathing technic i learnt from one of my family doctors in the Philippines. “come on Lyn think” I whispered to myself. It suddenly came back into memory that i have to go lower, breathe out more than breathing in and my head should be lower. So i pushed Gary away and blew out longer breaths and just taking in quick short breaths. i put my head between my knees n soon i was feeling better. I stayed in that position to get myself together.

“O my God, please tell me ur okay baby girl” I heard Gary’s voice in the background. “say something baby girl, Omg say something!” He was sitting beside me stroking my back with his hands in long strokes up and down. I lifted my head up to look at him. “water” i gasped trying to talk and breathe at the same time. He quickly ran to the kitchen, got me a bottle of mineral water opened it and passed it to me to drink.

I took a sip of water and the slowly drank a bit. In the corner of my eyes i saw Gary looking at me. “Hey babe, chill” smiling at him i gave him a kiss on his cheeks “i think i’m ok now. stop being a worry wart ok.” i laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, taking in deep breaths.

“are you sure babe?” he looked at me with a concerned look. “the last time u had this u ended up in hospital for a week.” I just nodded and lifted my legs so my knees touched my chest and cuddled closer to him.

“so when r u leaving for good?” I asked him staring into the blank space on the ceiling.

“gona help u find grace first ok babe, then we start talking about the dates.” he said his eyes still shut.

“u know what gary boy?” I sd cuddling closer to him “i have been thinking… a lot…” i paused and sighed i didn’t know how to continue. I felt him get up and turn toward me.

“Thinking? about what?” he asked as he drank out of the small mineral water bottle that he handed me earlier.

“about you…  i am finally feeling it… there i said it” suddenly i felt that relief and the weight just lift off me. Gary was drinking and he suddenly blew all the water out of his mouth again in surprise coughing at the same time.

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